Your own version is fine, with the proviso than what is called a direttore commerciale in Italian or a directeur commercial in French or a director comercial in Spanish often corresponds to a sales director rather than a commercial director in English. Both terms exist; the difference, if any, is a question of emphasis. A sales director is responsible for sales volume, meeting sales targets, advertising and marketing; a commercial director has wider concerns, including for example export/import and customs, relations with other businesses, planning of new products. So it depends on the person's responsibilities. But sales director is in general a more common term; not all companies have a commercial director as such. And given that this person is responsible for particular geographical areas, I think "sales director" is more likely to be the appropriate term.

As for the second bit, "Western and Southern Europe" is more idiomatic than "West and South Europe". Curiously, this is not true of other continents. We refer (usually) to South Asia and (always) to South America. South Africa is a special case because it's the name of a country; we call the southern part of the continent Southern Africa. But we say West Africa. But although West Europe and South Europe can be said, and we certainly use West European and South European as adjectives, "Western and Southern Europe" is the best choice here.